Beginning of a New Chapter

Ok, maybe the chapter started when, back in May, after thinking we were done wanting more kids, Rich and I both started feeling a longing to hold babies, and sort of wondering if we might want a baby #5.  I guess that was the first time we talked about foster care.  Or maybe it was when shortly after, I unexpectedly became pregnant with baby #5, but then had a miscarriage.  Our plan at that point was to try to become pregnant again in a few months. We were thinking winter, because my first 16 weeks of pregnancy are so hard, and there is not as much to miss out on that time of year.  Maybe the page was turned one day when I was seeing billboards for prostate cancer treatment and criminal injury lawyers, and telling God how full the world is of hard, bad things, and how its so hard to be able to do nothing about it.  He answered me quietly in my heart, "You can do something about it for one."  I knew what he meant, and began trying to find out what the first step would be. Maybe the chapter officially began when I got the packet of paperwork and started filling it out.  Or maybe it begins today with foster parent training all day.

When pregnant with my 4 kids, sometimes I would wake up in the night, and be unable to fall asleep again for a while, because I would start thinking about our growing baby and be too excited.  That happened to me last week.  Thinking about holding a little baby, hearing all the cooing, seeing the smiles and new milestones.  It is weird to love a child not yours who you have never met, can't name or picture, and know nothing about except that to come to you, first they will have to be abused or neglected. Oh dear God.  And to be honest, when we first considered foster care, I did not know if I was capable of loving a child not my own enough to parent him or her.

I know it won't be all fun and games.  We could use your prayers. I have felt incredibly private about it so far. However, I always process best by writing or discussing.  And I know there are lots of people who would want to to know the details about such a big step in our family.  And, did I say, we could use your prayers?